THE AGE OF REASON
The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA.
PREAMBLE
We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help
everyone get along, restore some resemblance of justice, avoid any
more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and
secure the blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our
great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain
and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny,
guilt ridden, and delusional. We hold these truths to be
self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill
of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.
ARTICLE I
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other
form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them,
but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is
based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone — not just
you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different
opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always
will be … and like the rest of us, you need to simply deal with
it.
ARTICLE III
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a
screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the
tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently
wealthy by telling them they didn’t warn you not to stick the
screwdriver in your eye.
ARTICLE IV
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are
the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone
in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation
after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing
more than the creation of another generation of professional couch
potatoes.
ARTICLE V
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice,
but from the looks of public housing, we should be wary of public
health care or public anything.
ARTICLE VI
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you
kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don’t be
surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric
chair (yes, capital punishment).
ARTICLE VII
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob,
cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don’t
be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a
place where you still won’t have the right to a big screen color TV,
pool tables, weight rooms, or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII
You don’t have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a
job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you
to take advantage of the opportunities of part time jobs, education
and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE IX
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that
you have the right to PURSUE happiness–which by the way, is a lot
easier if you are not encumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws
created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights,
ARTICLE X
This is an English speaking country. We don’t care where you are
from. We welcome you here. English is our language and like the one
you left behind, we also have a culture. Learn it or go back to the
country and the living conditions you were fleeing.”